Trouble finding home for cats

We have been looking for people to rehome our three cats but sadly, its a week and a half now until we depart to Northern Ireland and the cats are still here.  It looks like we have to bring them to the humane society.  Luckily there aren't any NO KILL shelters in Vermont from what we were told by people who knows the humane societies well.  I don't know if they do that anymore.

We had tried posting the kitties in the facebook groups, placed flyers in the hospital and at a friend's Inn.  No luck.

There was a woman who came over yesterday to discuss us getting married this afternoon.  She mentioned that she would loan us the money to take the cats with us.  WE thought that was really nice and generous to offer that to us.  But to be honest, its not about the money.  Our new landlord will not allow us any pets and we cannot break the rules or we would get kicked out.

I am devastated that it has become this way.  Suddenly, I am getting flashbacks now of all the fun times we had with the cats and its hurting me inside at the same time thinking about the reality of it now if you know what I mean.  We had our cats for 9 funfill years.

IS THIS HOW THE STORY ENDS WITH US AND THE CATS?

I will never forget them.  I grew too attached to them. They now have to find a beginning in someone elses heart to care for and comfort them.

The Will

Something that I didn't want or refuse to talk about and that was writing a Will.  Last night when we were in bed, Craig mentioned about us both should write a Will.  Of course, I stayed quiet watching the television as my head started wandering at the same time.  I was getting upset with the topic. Something I never thought about doing and felt the need to is to write one.  I think he was saying this because of a couple of days ago when he split his head. 

I personally don’t like talking about death and don’t take it very well so I tend to get very depressed and very sad.  So today I was thinking about the Will and everything that has happened to Craig the past several years and now his fall just days ago was making myself upset.  I don’t like to feel the need that I have to write a Will but I know deep down we both probably need to write one. 

When I think about writing a Will, I think about death coming the way.  I had thought about Craig and maybe he should be better without me, because I don’t want to see him hurt himself again as I tendencies on panicking.  I mean that fall a few days ago I thought here we go again with his fall.  But when I helped him up there was a puddle of blood.  That's when I freaked out.  Immediately I thought he was going to die. 

I don't even know if I am making any sense with this entry.  Maybe we should think about a Will.  Probably would be a smart thing to do.  I just hate the feeling of writing one thinking death is coming.

Our furry problem

We have 3 cats and we don’t know if we could keep them if we are going to be moving to Ireland.  I was in the kitchen cleaning up and I was thinking about one of our furry kids that I am very close to.  Her name is Bella.  I looked around and I noticed she was not in the living room.  I knew she was on the bed sleeping but I almost called out her name, thinking what it would be like that she was already given away.

I was in bed and was talking to Craig about it, and he was mentioning the same thing about them.  He knew that I was in a thinking process and working in my head to look forward the saddest moment on giving their last meal before handing them over to some stranger who will take care of them for the rest of their days.  This is heartbreaking to even think about it.  

Craig was thinking about the same thing with the cats too and played Gloria Estefan's "Don't want to loose you now".  I know he was depressed.  I could tell from the music he picked out from the television Amazon Music and he didn't turn his back but petting Buster our other cat.  So I think he was thinking about the same thing.

Update / Ireland

We are in the middle of a decision making or trying to find a way to relocating again and to Ireland, possibly Northern Ireland.  I don't know when we will be doing this but I know that I am not happy here in the United States.  I never was happy here.  I do want to return to Ireland and settle down there.  I had fun and enjoyed myself when I lived there back in the 90s for 9 years.  Craig knows I am not happy here and have been depressed.  He too wants to relocate to Europe as well.

I'm in the middle of writing an email to one of the directors in the gay community which I was in contact last year and actually was on the phone with last June.  I am hoping he remembers us and our conversation.

I do hope to be out of the US for good by the Fall.  Just a little confused on what to do with the cats and its sad to give them away.

Pet nightmare

I had a nightmare last night that we had given away Bella our cat, we stopped by the person's house to see how Bella does in the environment and was comfortable right up to when Craig and I were leaving. When we left the house she ran at the window watching us leave putting her paw on the window meowing

Bella relaxing on her favorite rug

Bell is always up to something

I fear that we may have to give away our three furry kids.  They all have been with us since kitten-hood.  They are very expensive to take overseas with us.  I really do not know what we are going to do with them all.  Its too heartbroken to give them away.

Buster & Augustina

Researching continues

Lately we have been pretty stressed out not only with his condition with his hands trying to straighten them out as he cannot straighten them.  No muscle tissues on his top arms.  Also stressed out with the moving decisions.  We have been working our butts off with researching to relocate to Northern Ireland

We were in decision making either Ireland or Connecticut.  We had checked out Connecticut, and yes it would be nice to live down there and be closer to the Nieces and nephews but after our experience down there hearing mom's negativity it was getting in our space.  I was talking with Craig about this whole thing and we were thinking, do we really want to hear my mother's negativity day after day when she comes visit.  So we decided to push at Ireland.

I couldn't believe how much work we need to do between furniture to be sold, get the cats situated as well as us as well, process on getting there, and wondering if we need a VISA.  I had lived there before back in the 90s for 9 years and it was an experience.  It was different back then because it was just me and my clothes now its taking more responsibilities.

We are pushing to relocate this November and i am hoping we could be able to do this and make this big move.  I am very nervous about the whole thing.

Not giving up

ITs 8:50pm and just finished watching Eighteen when Craig had to go to the bathroom.  I was in the livingroom when I heard sounds coming from the bathrooom, sniffling.  I knew that he was crying.  He broke out in tears when I went in there.   I know that he wishes his hands weren't curled in the way they are.  He kept crying saying he isn't ready to throw in the towel.  There are soo much things he is doing and is not giving up.  He's going through physical therapy and doing some pool exercises which are good for him.  I suppose his insurance is up to the Max or something and its up the physical therapist to add more paperwork to get an extend.  I too wish things were the way they were.  He just has to keep trying and pushing at making his hands get better, its the only way he could do this right so he could recover through all this.

Losing hope

I need all your prayers for Craig to get better really soon as I think he is loosing hope on it and is really depressed and fed up with it that he actually told me that he doesn't blame me if I leave a crippled breaking down in tears. It is very sad to hear him say things like that.  I hope things get better with this.