Our plans for March 2017

Its been a couple of months since my last entry on here.  Well we are doing it.  We booked a flight to Northern Ireland as we will be relocating there.  We are getting fed up with the US and how its going down hill.  I never really felt safe here.  I remember joy and happiness when I lived in Northern Ireland back in the 90s for 9 years that I was there.  It was a big decision that we were making either moving elsewhere here in Vermont or just pack up our belongings and sell up everything and move overseas.  The sad part is that we will have to give away our 3 lovable cats.  We will be heartbroken when its time for them to go to new homes, which I hope we could be able to find for them.  I have been depressed for a week thinking about this when I should be enjoying my time with them while they are here with us.  Its just hard the thought that we have to do this.  I think about their last Thanksgiving and Christmas with us, their last feed, last treats.  This will be very hard on the both of us because we had the cats for 9 years.  Why are we giving away our cats rather than taking them with us?  Well they are very expensive to take with us.  Each cat is a regular ticket just like us and that's expensive.  Then we have to think about the quarantine and all that too.  It would be best if they stayed behind and find them a home.  I don't want to do this but it something we have to do.

Our flight for Northern Ireland will be March 22, 2017.  I am excited about this but also nervous as well.  Not sure why I am nervous.  I just want things to work out smoothly.

We have been sorting stuff out around the apartment things we don't need so I have been putting stuff on Craigslist on giving away and also trying to sell some of the stuff for now.  Just seems that people want free stuff which kind of annoys me.  Nobody wants to buy anything anymore on Craigslist.  All they want are Free Stuff.  I had some people to pick up some of the Free stuff, which was a lot.  I only sold a couple of things.  

Earlier this evening I was sorting the bedroom out.  I went into the closet and started pulling out clothes that I don't wear anymore and placed them in black plastic bags.  There was 3 full bags of clothes that were filled up.  I ended up throwing them out as I didn't want them in the apartment anymore.  I even sorted out the floor part in there as well.  All there is are some shoes and a couple of suitcases.

I cleared out underneath the bed and vacuumed it as well.  I emptied the bag-less vacuum twice.  It was filled with cat fur.  I couldn't believe that there was so much fur under there.

Well, that'll be it for now.

Change of concerns

I am concerned about my mother.  My stepfather and her have to move at the end of the month.  She hasn't really looked since my sister has been doing all the looking.  Both my mother and my sister's family live in Connecticut.  Mom doesn't want to live in Danbury and there aren't any big apartments in Ridgefield.  So them both are going to stay with my sister for a while, which will be nice.  It would be awkward for my mother since she doesn't like my sister's husband because of his anger issues.  But we all have anger issues every once in a while, and he was nice enough to pay for their rents but cannot do it anymore which was why my mother and her husband has to move since they cannot afford the rent that is very high.

Since my mother is very picky, My stepbrother was going to buy a condo and said that they could move into the condo in NY.  Mom doesn't want to move to NY and again will continue to be depressed because that means she will be away from my sister and her kids which she has been going back and forth.  The condo will be an hour away.  I have a feeling she will not be happy.

That also changes EVERYTHING with Craig and my plans since we were going down to Connecticut to move to be closer to her since she isn't getting any younger, and also be closer to my sister and her family.  Now Craig and I may just stay in Vermont and get a small house somewhere.  I am a little upset because I wanted to be closer to the family rather than 5 hours away.

I know we have to think of a place to settle down in and now I am a little confused what to do and where to go.  If something happens to Craig, I will be all alone here in Vermont.  If we move down to Connecticut, at least I would be around family for support.  So I worry about this whole situation.

Moving Decisions again

Craig and I were talking about moving  and we aren't sure where we will be ending up.  It would be nice to be close to the family in Connecticut but Craig mentioned to me that he didn't want to move to

Connecticut but would move there anyway.  What is turning both of us off is that we don't like to hear negativity coming from my mother.  That's what she has been doing.  I mean, he doesn't like to hear negative comments that would be offensive to him coming from her.  She did state that we were a couple of Muslims or Isis with the long beards and he got offended about that, but kept his mouth shut as he didn't want to open a pack of worms so to speak.  To be honest, its something I don't want to hear either and hear her become negative all the time.  So that is the down side of it.

Craig did think about wanting to move to Canada but the only problem would be with that is that we would have to go back into the US for treatments and stuff like that.  I'm not sure with doctors.  But we would have to be there for a few years I think until we get treatment in Canada.

What he wants to do is that he wants to get a house right here in Vermont, something that he always wanted was to get a house.

So we don't know what we are going to do.  We may not be able to move until Spring time next year.  What I dread is that we would have to pick up our things again for another move.  We would have to really think this through.

Ireland vs. Connecticut

So we were thinking about moving again.  I wanted to move to Northern Ireland and be close to my relatives.   I missed how things used to be when I used to live there in the 90s for 9 years.  I felt safe even though there was riots at night, but I never went out at night so it didn't bother me.  Also would give me the chance to get free medical as well.

But then we thought about Connecticut because my family are around that area.  My stepfather just turned 80 years old this week, which made me think about my mother's age as well.  Who knows how much time they have left in their life.  I thought it might be a wise idea to live closer to them.  It would give my mother the chance to come visit us as well.  She only went out to my sister's house, so if we move to Connecticut she could come see us as well.  She kept telling us she must come up to see us, but she's been saying that for years.  So at least if we move to Connecticut she would have another place to come visit.

Right now we are looking around for apartments in Connecticut so we just might be moving that way instead of Ireland.  I guess we could always visit Ireland whenever we want to when the funds are there for us.

Am I sad that I would miss out this opportunity to move to Ireland right now?  Sure I miss it.  I miss my friends and relatives as well.  But that could come later on I suppose.  I would like to settle down there some day.  But only time could tell.

The waiting

One thing I hate is waiting for something, especially this house we have been waiting for to move into.  Its on its last process.  Its pretty stressful and I'm coming to a point now that I can't wait to leave Maine completely.  I'm so over with this state.  I'll never return to this state.  There is nothing here that Maine could offer me.  Craig knows how I am feeling and he also can't wait to get all this over and done with.

I'm pretty excited on moving to Vermont and seeing what its like.  I am pretty nervous about the wild animals there like the bear for example.  From what we gathered from the woman who lives in the house the bear would come onto the property and eat the bird seeds.    I think they would be afraid of humans but then again I don't know.

Things are going smoothly

Well it seems that the plans on moving out of Maine state is starting to run smoothly.  I am pretty much excited but very nervous on making this move.  I don't know why I am nervous. I just don't want any fall downs like what if the woman changes her mind on the house (even though Craig said that the woman said the house was on the market for about a year), or how we are going to get the vehicle down to Vermont with the truck, wondering if we are going to get the help on loading and unloading the truck, are we going to have enough money for this transition.  I actually like the house and I would like everything to go as planned and as smoothly.  I just want this transition over and done with so we could live comfortably in our new home.  I am not looking forward to the moving and driving down there for 4 hours with the possibility of a car dolly in the back of the truck.  Its making me nervous to even think about it.  I don't even know if I could do it safely.  I don't want to mess up the vehicle.

Another worry about living in this house is that the only transportation we have is the vehicle and if something happens to this vehicle then we are screwed because we probably wouldn't have the money to repairs.  But I am trying not to think about it.  I consider myself a good driver.  Out of the 13 years I have been driving, only been in one accident and that was a ding.

We finally picked up the transfer voucher so we could be able to get the house on since we are going through this program where we could be able to get a grant through under his Section 8 even I would be under the lease as well.

I was surprised to hear why we are getting this house.  Since we cannot afford going to Ireland due to the cats (we are not going to give them away), he's preparing me to live a comfortable life for if he passes on I would have a place to live.  Tears came streaming down my face as I laid in bed thinking about it.  It was the nicest thing to hear about what someone is going to do for me.

Northern Ireland or Vermont

Lately we have been talking about relocation.  He already knows that I want to move back home to Northern Ireland.  I call Ireland home because both parents are from there and all my relatives are there, even though I am born and raised in the United States.
Everything I think about Ireland and what it would feel like to be living there, I think about the things such as living in just outside the town like Claudy and having a little bungalow house or something, with a vehicle, settled down and living comfortably with our 3 cats.  He thinks it would be great to live in Ireland, but his concerns are with the illegal immigrants trying to get into England.  Also the 3 cats are a problem which we don't know if we could get the funds for them.  We only collected a small amount but that doesn't even cover rent right now.

help-bring-our-cats-back-home-to-ireland

Everything that has been talked about has been a struggle and alot of stress upon us.  Well I'm scared myself on returning because my concerns about it is that I am wondering how I am going to continue my social security disability and wonder how that works with them.  I mean, I know I could bring we could bring both of our SSD over there.  Their system could be different.  I'm not sure.  Also wondering if he will get the treatments that he needs since he has to go once a month to IV fusion to help his immune system.  Also medications and housing, and a vehicle and possibly furniture, however there are places that are furnished.

We had been talking about Vermont here and there.  There are things that are already in place, like Section 8, and don't have to worry about our SSD being cut off.  Also we could get a small house possibly and also a vehicle.  I could also get my gym that I always wanted.  But at the same time I don't feel safe in the US for some reason the way I did with Northern Ireland.  I don't know why but I just do.

Frustrations continues

We both have been very frustrated these days.  I think part of the reason is that we are going to be moving soon back to Ireland.  We are trying all areas to be able to keep the cats, but they seem to be in the way with expenses.  I am not sure I am ready to give them away. Either Craig.  We had planned on leaving November and may have to wait until next year to have enough money saved up.  I don't know.  We don't even make much money.  So it kind of puts us in an awkward position on our moving situation.

Moving decisions

So we have been doing alot of researching to relocate to Ireland, all the research we could possibly can get so we could live comfortably there without any gaps.  Mom thinks that I am going to get arrested because she thinks I gave up my nationality as American.  She has no idea how much research we have been doing.  She knows how to use the computer but always jumped into conclusions.  The way I see it, if i did gave up my American citizenship, I wouldn't had gotten jobs here when I returned 2000 (see my experience while live in Ireland) "ALSO" I wouldn't had gotten my Social Security Disability.  I remember the time I lived there I was soo happy and felt safe there.  I don't think I ever was happy in the United States and how it has become.

During our time there we were looking through the town of Ridgefield, Connecticut to see what it is like there.  It was a nice small town.  Could I see myself living there?  Possibly.  Could Craig?  maybe because he needed to get services there such as certain clinics and doctors due to his condition.

So now we are on the decision on either Ireland or Connecticut.  But then again it would be nice to be closer to the children.  Also I hadn't seen my brother in years.

If I had the money I would take us to Ireland for sure, but I am not sure if I do have enough money saved up for Ireland, that could be a problem.

Getting away

Its been a while since we treated ourselves something. We really didn't do anything since we got to Maine 4 years ago since we don’t own a vehicle. Seeing all the Somalians are really depressing me and its not healthy for me and its not healthy for him either. He’s been housebound for two summers and he doesn't want to make a third. So what we did was that we decided to leave Maine state for a few days and head down to Connecticut to see family. I had a weird feeling about leaving the cats alone and the house abandon, and I don’t trust the Somalians and I never will, so I asked the maintenance guy and his wife to check in on the house making sure its okay and children aren't hanging around there. We were going to stay for 3 days but ended up staying an extra two days. It was a good time down there. I had dread going back to Maine and seeing the bullshit again.  I would like to go away again.

it was really nice for us to get away from area.  Also gives us time to spend more time with the family in Connecticut.  We do plan on going there again.  But I knew mom was going to talk something negative and continue doing that and it was sort of weird and tiring too on the matter that I had to remove myself from the conversation and I left him there with my mother and sister discussing about us relocating to Ireland.

So I don't know what's going to happen.

Moving Arrangements

Well we are moving.  After the management from the apartment complex saw Craig's condition and fell in front of her, she decided to move us up to the top of the list since there is a 2 bedroom house available.  This should be a relief for the both of us.

Change plans on moving

 

We were going to move into the town of Portland but plans changed since I got a call from them asking for money from my Pell grant.  So yes, I am still annoyed at University Of Phoenix for fucking up my plans on moving by taking away some of my Pell grant, $977 to be exact. I still think it is ridiculous for them to take that money away when I am going to receive the last disbursement next month anyway. I’m sick and tired of University Of Phoenix bullshit.  I was really looking forward to moving into town because we could do things in the evenings, but we can’t do it now because I was going to use that $977 toward the moving.  Its really annoying because I am getting this money back this money anyway.  It doesn’t make any sense.  We were so lucky that the management didn’t put the apartment up for rent.  So it was okay.  Then we had to call Housing that we are going to have to stay for now.    This is ridiculous.  Damn University of Phoenix.  We could had been homeless.

Appointment to see an apartment

Well we took a look at the apartment today to see what it was like.  Of course just like every other apartment has its positives and negatives.  This one was on the top floor which is the 4th floor.  First floor are stores.  All the room has wooden floors and when you walk you could hear crackling from the floors and not sure if people below could hear.  I don't mind the layout, what is putting me off is the crackling of the wooden floors.  There is no elevator, of course no elevator doesn't bother me, I'm just concerned with Craig going up and down the stairs. The hallway stairway cracks too, and it reminds me of the apartment my mother had back in the late 70s.  We could be able to see the bay and you could feel a breeze through the building with the windows open.  I like the small balcony which is nice.  Craig doesn't mind the area because his doctor's office which he goes weekly is just across the street and that could be very convenient for him.  Its not a bad apartment, but I think we could probably get a better apartment.  Craig doesn't like the fact that we would be doing laundry a block away.  I suppose he is so used to having laundry within the building.  But the fact is that he barely does any laundry so if anything I do the laundry. Of course I don't mind having laundry in the building because it is very convenient.  But like I said I think we could get a better apartment.  We could still look for other apartments.  

A floor plan that I had created of the apartment

The apartment was being used still and the people who live there are still getting sorted out.  The living-room was filled with paintings and paints.  This person must be an artist or something like that.  Interesting. 

Moving Decisions!

Wow, I cannot believe that we have moved into Maine a year ago. I never really thought we would end up moving here. The year went by fast. Considering that this is a very small apartment, I would be happy and glad to be out of this apartment. It is too small for the both of us plus(+) three kitties. We really didn't know how big this apartment was going to be because we were in Washington and Craig kept in contact with the manager as there were several properties owned by them. At the time there were only 2 apartments available, and one was with a tub and the other without one and Craig loves taking his baths. So you probably guessed right which apartment we chosen. We only looked at pictures so we knew what the rooms looked like, we just didn't know how big it was.

We had thought about a few things when our lease is up. We could look for another apartment that is in the town rather than in the suburb, or we could stay here until next September in the meantime to purchase a used vehicle so we could travel around. It really would be a convenience to us if we had a bigger apartment and in the town so we could be able to walk around such as the Farmer's Market over the weekends. The bus transportation sucks. So we wouldn't have to worry about buses in the town. There is also continue to live here until the spring time and see what happens then. The decision was more closer to moving into the town.

Speaking of moving, lately I have been thinking about Northern Ireland. Yes, right now I am closer to my family and if I moved to Northern Ireland, I would be further away from them again. But i would be with my relatives once again. I really am starting to miss it and I remember that time I was living there that I was happy. I discussed my feelings to Craig and how I feel about it and want to eventually relocate there and possibly settle down. Then I got to thinking that we could possibly relocate there if it was planned out. It would be nice to move there before the year is up but I don't think I could see that happening.

Driving Across country

I never thought that I would be able to drive across country from Washington (not DC) to Maine by myself.  My mother thought I was crazy and thought I don't think I could do it.  Craig couldn't be able to drive because of his condition with lots of meds and surgery on his neck several years ago.  The first couple of days I got caught driving in the dark.  Those were scary moments.  Craig had set reservations for hotels so we couldn't just stop by at any hotel.  He marked the journey on the GPS so we don't get lost.  Each day we left earlier and earlier to avoid driving in the dark.  This was a 6 day trip driving 10-12 hours only stopping by rest areas and food.  Never again I would do this driving all by myself.  It was too much for me.  I didn't even have time to do my classes because I was utterly exhausted from the trip.  All three kitties eventually came out of the cat carrier because they wouldn't shut up meowing, but they were content afterwards. 

The route that we took was from Vancouver, Washington, to Spokane Washington, Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, South Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Connecticut, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and finally Maine.  We did stop by my friend Sandra's house which was really nice.  I haven't seen her in like 5 years, we then went to my sister's house in Connecticut which was nice to see the children again.  We arrived in Connecticut that Thursday and spent the night.  We should had stayed for that weekend until Monday because it meant for us to stay in a hotel for that weekend since the property management doesn't work Saturdays.  I was very disappointed with Motel 6 here in Maine because we booked for the hotel for the weekend and the girl at the front desk only booked us for the night.  We had to leave hotel because people were already booked in.  We took our things and we nearly lost our cat.  Craig was holding her and by the time we were outside, she jumped out of his hands and started to run around the building.  I chased her to the back of the building calling her name.  What scared me was that there was a highway next to the building and she could had went across it.  When I called her name, she looked behind and continued to run again.  I couldn't believe it.  By the time I ran the forth corner of the building, she went on the windowsill at stayed where she was.  I slowly approached her and just grabbed her.  I was pissed.  Not at her but the fact, this bitch didn't book us for the weekend and if she would had done her job right, this wouldn't had happened. 

I am soo glad this driving and hotels are over.  Never again I would drive across country, by myself anyways.

Thoughts on relocation

We were thinking about relocating but we were undecided where we were going to move.  There were a few options, which were Philadelphia, New Jersey, and Maine.  We needed to go somewhere that is convenient for us via bus transportations and routes.  So we had done research on apartments in New Jersey and Philadelphia.  Both Philadelphia and New Jersey seems expensive our income.  Then I found out that Craig always wanted to move to Maine.  Apparently it was cheaper and he could be able to receive his insurance very quickly.  We suddenly started to look at places in Maine, and the apartments there were cheap.

Missing Home

The past couple of days I have been thinking about home back in New Jersey and how it would be great to be closer to them and to get to see the family more often and when I want.  I think about Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day where families get together and all the other holidays too.  Whenever these holidays come I think about how families get together and enjoying themselves and here I am many miles away from my family.  I never have money and hadn't worked in four years now.  This long distance between us is not working.  It was different years ago.  I was younger and I wanted to explore new places.  I feel such an outsider because I live so far away.

Craig and I have been thinking of relocating to Portland, Maine.  It is where he wants to move and I guess settle down which is why we are relocating at the end of the year.  Now I am getting this feeling in my gut that I probably would want to live much closer to them.  There are nephews and nieces and I'm missing out on their childhood.  I have a brother who I haven't seen in years.  I haven't talked to Craig, yet, about my feelings on this. 

Am I homesick?  I don't know.  Maybe.