Spilling the beans

Two years ago Craig and I were going to move to Northern Ireland and settle down there.  I was telling my mother and she got this idea in her head that I was going to be arrested going through immigrations.  I am not sure why she thought that.  Strange she mentioned this because during things started happening to Craig with his weak leg, falling and then his hands curled under his wrists, my mother wanted me to leave him because she got this other idea in her head that he was going to die.  I didn't want to upset her more so I just left it like that.  Craig wanted to check out Vermont to live so since I had the money to move there I gave him that wish to move here.  But still I am not happy.

Craig and I have been really thinking about moving again, our final decision was to move to Northern Ireland and didn't care what my family thought about it.  I figured I would tell my mother via skype text since she is going to find out sooner or later.  She thought I was joking and I know she is shocked on that matter as well.

Thanksgiving passed and I wasn't surprised that we didn't hear from any of the family to wish us a Happy Thanksgiving.  I seriously think my mother is a little pissed off but I really don't care about what she thinks.  She lived her life she should let me live my life.  It bothers me when she thinks that I will be sponging off the family and again she thinks that when Craig dies the family would have to be responsible for burying him.  I don't know why she is having these thoughts in her head thinking Craig is expecting something from the family.

A couple of days ago, I gotten a call from my sister Karen and she wanted to know what was going on,  I figured my mother spreaded the word around that we were leaving the United States permanently.  My sister wanted to know what was going on and started asking questions like what will we will be doing with the furniture and car, where we are going to go, do we have enough money to get over there, what about the cats, and medical stuff.  I told her that everything is being planned out.  We both renewed our US Passports...actually I just got my US passport yesterday so that is out of the way.

To this day, my mother hasn't skyped so I am assuming that she is still annoyed and pissed off.  But what she has to realize that I have a life and have to live my life just as well she lived hers.

Passports

A couple of weeks ago we both filled out our United States passport applications for renewal.  Craig's old passport was expired and damaged.  The passport finally came through the mail and we had taken a look at the passport and didn't realize that the passport was computerized.  His picture was scanned onto the passport.  This must be a new way they are making passports.

My passport wasn't expired until August 2017, I figured I would just renew it so it would be up to date and would have a full 10 year book.  I haven't gotten my passport yet and hope to be getting it soon, hopefully this week.  I'm still undecided what to do with my United Kingdom of Northern Ireland Passport whether I should apply for it here in the United States or just wait until I get to Northern Ireland.  I would think it would be quicker and easier to get it in Northern Ireland.  I may just wait because I have to have a countersignature and I don't know anyone around here in Vermont.

Problems driving

Lately I have been having panic attacks while driving due to my car accident in early September.  I don't mind short drives but long drives bothers me.  Craig isn't too happy about it because I refuse to drive him to his doctors appointments which is about 1 1/2 hours drive to get there.

Now whats happening is that we are having trouble getting approved for public transportation where they pick you up at the door and take you to your destination.  The company needs approval documents stating why we can't use the vehicle.  I think its utterly ridiculous why they have to have all these documents in order to schedule for a ride for appointments.

I do feel bad because I can't take him to his appointments but its how I feel.  I fear of getting into another car accident.  He is a little stressed out because of the whole situation.  I even told my mother that I will not be driving during the winter because of winter season.  There will probably most likely be a lot of snow.  Vermont is very known for that having a lot of snow.    We haven't experience the heavy snow last year it wasn't much snow but this year suppose to be a lot of snow.  That's why I am not looking forward to the snow this year and driving in it.  I'm very nervous about it.

Our plans for March 2017

Its been a couple of months since my last entry on here.  Well we are doing it.  We booked a flight to Northern Ireland as we will be relocating there.  We are getting fed up with the US and how its going down hill.  I never really felt safe here.  I remember joy and happiness when I lived in Northern Ireland back in the 90s for 9 years that I was there.  It was a big decision that we were making either moving elsewhere here in Vermont or just pack up our belongings and sell up everything and move overseas.  The sad part is that we will have to give away our 3 lovable cats.  We will be heartbroken when its time for them to go to new homes, which I hope we could be able to find for them.  I have been depressed for a week thinking about this when I should be enjoying my time with them while they are here with us.  Its just hard the thought that we have to do this.  I think about their last Thanksgiving and Christmas with us, their last feed, last treats.  This will be very hard on the both of us because we had the cats for 9 years.  Why are we giving away our cats rather than taking them with us?  Well they are very expensive to take with us.  Each cat is a regular ticket just like us and that's expensive.  Then we have to think about the quarantine and all that too.  It would be best if they stayed behind and find them a home.  I don't want to do this but it something we have to do.

Our flight for Northern Ireland will be March 22, 2017.  I am excited about this but also nervous as well.  Not sure why I am nervous.  I just want things to work out smoothly.

We have been sorting stuff out around the apartment things we don't need so I have been putting stuff on Craigslist on giving away and also trying to sell some of the stuff for now.  Just seems that people want free stuff which kind of annoys me.  Nobody wants to buy anything anymore on Craigslist.  All they want are Free Stuff.  I had some people to pick up some of the Free stuff, which was a lot.  I only sold a couple of things.  

Earlier this evening I was sorting the bedroom out.  I went into the closet and started pulling out clothes that I don't wear anymore and placed them in black plastic bags.  There was 3 full bags of clothes that were filled up.  I ended up throwing them out as I didn't want them in the apartment anymore.  I even sorted out the floor part in there as well.  All there is are some shoes and a couple of suitcases.

I cleared out underneath the bed and vacuumed it as well.  I emptied the bag-less vacuum twice.  It was filled with cat fur.  I couldn't believe that there was so much fur under there.

Well, that'll be it for now.

I messed up my car

Yesterday I had gotten into a car crash.  I was coming back from the store and was parking in the shade.  I was going to wash the windows but I figured wait until the sun comes down.  I reversed slightly and as I was back up to the position where I normally park, my foot slipped and hit the accelerator.  My neighbor's car was behind me and I couldn't be able to stop the car quickly, but I hit her car with a loud crash.

I ran out of the car making my way to the neighbor's apartment upstairs, watching her car roll onto the front lawn. I was in complete shock and disappointed with myself.  She was trying to calm me down but I was too shook up.  She was understanding that accidents happen and to look at what happened.  I was lucky that she wasn't in the car or hit any other cars.

I then had to break the news to Craig that I messed up the car.  He wasn't happy with it and immediately called 911 and the insurance company.

When the cop came to the house, I explained what happened.  He asked if I was in any car crashes, DUI, or anything like that.  I said no.  He ended up giving me a warning.  Hours later I then realized that I was in a car crash before back in 2005.  Craig told me that I need to calm down and that I will not get arrested. 

Our neighbor was nice enough to ask her uncle to use his vehicle to get to the Enterprise to get rented vehicles.  When I saw the rented vehicle that I was going to be driving, I kept getting flashbacks of the accident.  I fear of getting into another crash.  Turned out this vehicle was sensitive to the accelerator. I didn't really need to push down as much.  During the whole time back to the house, I was completely tense.

When I was driving home, Craig suggested I should go to ER just to make sure there wasn't anything wrong with my back or anything.  So that's what they did and took Xrays and didn't find anything, however, they did find a little bit of arthritis in the lower back.

I still feel strange and not myself.  I fear of getting arrested, what will happen to me, getting these flashbacks whenever I go behind a wheel.  I don't feel safe.

House Hunting

We have been looking for a house these days.  We were going to find a house around here in Vermont but still it would be far away from my family.  It would take us about 5 hours to get there to Connecticut.  So we decided to check out the houses around Connecticut.  We would only be like an hour away from them which isn't too bad.  I hope we could find a nice descent house in a nice area where there is very low crime rate.

I was letting my mind wander and thinking is he doing all this for me preparing for me to live out my days in the house so that when he dies the house will be mine.  He did mention it that the house would be mine when he dies and if I wanted a roommate afterwards I could.  It saddens me to think about what will happen but I know its the reality of life.

Is this the end of being normal?

Last week Craig had another appointment with his Occupational Therapy and Physical Therapy.  It was his first meet with the occupational therapy and I went back there with him to keep me from being bored in the waiting room. 

As I was sitting on Craig's walker chair, he was explaining to the OT from the beginning what happened to him and how he became crippled in his hands and ended up in a walker.  I was thinking how he used to be before everything happened to him and wondered, "Is this the end of Craig's journey of being normal like everybody else?"  "Is this the way he is going to be for now on?"  "Is he going to ever be the same again?"  I keep asking myself these questions over and over again and I cannot find an answer to them.  I really thought my days were over as being a caregiver when I worked for the mentally challenged adults.  I left it because it was tearing me down as I wasn't thinking about my own health.

Trip to hospital

Yesterday we suppose to go to Dartmouth Hospital in Lebanon New Hampshire to see our doctor but we woke up late, so we had to rescheduled it for another time. 

Craig was complaining about his back bothering him and the pain was getting worse.  We went to Gifford hospital in Randolph into the Emergency Room.  They took xrays and there weren't any broken bones, which was a good sign.  Not really sure why he is still feeling pain in his back along his tailbone and hip.

I really hate hospitals as they make me sad and seeing Craig being laid up I bed was depressing me and it was giving me flashbacks when I nearly lost him a couple of times when he went into kidney failure twice a couple of years ago.  I was brave enough not to cry which I normally do because I am very sensitive that way. 

We waited for 3 hours for the doctor to say that there wasn't anything on the xrays that showed up.  He then said that he would be right back and give him a second to do something.  A half an hour passed and we just had it.  We were so pissed off because he left us with no choice but to leave the ER because he never came back.  But he caught us on time and gave Craig a prescription of Tramadol to help him with his pain, which is a good thing.

Weekend functions

Craig and I went to a coalition July 21-24^th all expenses paid through scholarships, which was a really nice experience.  I was pretty quiet from the beginning but started to open up a little bit toward the end.  I wasn't my best this past weekend due to an infection in my ear.  I couldn't believe that it was happening to me.  First infection in my belly button and now in my ear. 

The food was good at the Stowehof Inn (that's where we stayed at) except the first night we arrived they made hamburgers and they were all raw in the center of the burger.  

There were some so-called queenies who thinks they know it all.  They were pretty stuck up on themselves that I didn't want to have any association with them.  And the smokers were terrible there even-though they stayed in one area you could still smell the smoke.  Some people were pretty rude but whatever.

We had a couples support group which I enjoyed.  I took a fancy with Mike Clark, who made me feel very comfortable, ran the gay/heterosexual couples group.  Not only they were groups of gay/heterosexual couples but also where one partner had HIV and the other was Negative.  We had discussions on how we met and threw back and forth our thoughts on certain topics. 

They all made sure to give Craig extra attention due to his mobility and be aware that he is walking around with a walker.  There were times that I didn’t feel like doing anything because of my ear and it was nice that Craig could be able to get the help while I stayed in my room.  They gave him the help that he needed which was very helpful.  

Last night we had a lovely dinner.  We both had some chicken veggies and scoop of mash potatoes. We had dessert as well that I think was brownies and ambrosia.  Afterwards, we went up to our room for a short while and then went upstairs where some of the people were performing as well as raffle.  

Overall, we did enjoy ourselves and plan on going back to the retreat next year.

Lake Dunmore

So I noticed Craig was getting bored in the house and I had asked him if he would like to or wants to go anywhere today?  His answer was that he wanted to go to Lake Dunmore.  I knew he was bored and now that I have my license back we could go places again.  We asked our neighbor Ann if she wanted to go there but she was waiting for her daughter and couldn't leave.  I guess they only had one set of keys.

We weren't sure what it was going to be like at Lake Dunmore so we just got in the car and drove off.  It was a nice 30 minute drive to the lake, which had a small beach.  We had to pay $4.00 each to get into the beach.  I suppose its not so bad if we were to stay all day but since it was 3pm it didn't give us much time there but we paid to get into the beach anyway.  We ended up staying there for about an hour and a half by that time it was 4.30pm and we needed to get back before everybody leaves at one time which means it would be rush hour.

We got back at home and Ann was outside.  We told her how it was and she told her that the best time to go was during the week.  Now come to think of it, yes the beach was pretty packed since it was Father's Day and the kids are spending time with their dads.    So next time we go there Ann will be coming with us.

A day out

Today, we had to go to Royalton Recycling to drop off our old Theater Centre that we didn't need.  The garbage guy wouldn't take it.  I learned that they do alot of recycling here since we moved here in this apartment in December.

That reminds me, I did pass my road test, which I had taken on the 16th and it was great to get my license back. 

Afterwards we had gone into Barre which Craig wanted to check out.  I wasn't in the mood to drive an hour and a half from home.  I was a little tired and he did surprise me when he got me to drive on the highway.  I didn't know we were going to Barre until we got onto the highway.  I was a little upset as I thought we were going home after Royalton Recycling.  When we got to the house we just sat there for about 10 minutes on the outside.  We never did go in.  Me personally I thought it was a waste of time to go all the way to just sit in the car and looked at outside of the house.  After we left and he surprised me again that we were going to Walmart.  Out of all the places I despise we were going to Walmart.  I cannot stand shopping in there.  We ended up buying a planting pot, some soil (since we bought a tomato plant at the farmer's market), and an Air Conditioner.  Our own air conditioner didn't fit into the window so we had to get a smaller one.

When we got home, I had to install the air conditioner into the window making sure there aren't any holes that leads outside so that the wasps or any insects come into the apartment.    After I installed that, I transferred our tomato plant into the bigger pot.

It was a good busy day.

More concerns arise

Well yesterday was the driver's test and "I failed".  I don't know what happened.  I know I am a good driver and have been driving for 15 years and haven't been in an accident before.

The instructor was a nice young woman but I noticed that she was looking around herself around the same time I have been looking around so yes she marked me for not looking.  And I don't think its fair but I know you cannot fight it because you will never win in this game when they have more power than you.  They even took my driver's license away and switched it to a Learncer's permit, which I think is pretty fucked up.  And you cannot fight it because you could never win.

This puts on a lot of pressure on me because how am I suppose to take Craig to his appointments now.  They took my license away.  We are in the middle of a very small town of 1200 people.  Now I have to worry about how to get to places such as appointments, driving down to see the family in Connecticut, etc, etc.

We are lucky that there is a small grocery store just up the street where I could be able to walk up and back.  The good thing is that its good exercise.  The bad thing is that I could only hold so many bags.

I am a little depressed and disappointed as well.

Change of concerns

I am concerned about my mother.  My stepfather and her have to move at the end of the month.  She hasn't really looked since my sister has been doing all the looking.  Both my mother and my sister's family live in Connecticut.  Mom doesn't want to live in Danbury and there aren't any big apartments in Ridgefield.  So them both are going to stay with my sister for a while, which will be nice.  It would be awkward for my mother since she doesn't like my sister's husband because of his anger issues.  But we all have anger issues every once in a while, and he was nice enough to pay for their rents but cannot do it anymore which was why my mother and her husband has to move since they cannot afford the rent that is very high.

Since my mother is very picky, My stepbrother was going to buy a condo and said that they could move into the condo in NY.  Mom doesn't want to move to NY and again will continue to be depressed because that means she will be away from my sister and her kids which she has been going back and forth.  The condo will be an hour away.  I have a feeling she will not be happy.

That also changes EVERYTHING with Craig and my plans since we were going down to Connecticut to move to be closer to her since she isn't getting any younger, and also be closer to my sister and her family.  Now Craig and I may just stay in Vermont and get a small house somewhere.  I am a little upset because I wanted to be closer to the family rather than 5 hours away.

I know we have to think of a place to settle down in and now I am a little confused what to do and where to go.  If something happens to Craig, I will be all alone here in Vermont.  If we move down to Connecticut, at least I would be around family for support.  So I worry about this whole situation.

Weekend getaway

We decided to get away from Vermont for a few days over the weekend.  It was nice seeing them and enjoyed playing with the kids.

On Saturday while driving around Connecticut, I noticed that the drivers are very aggressive and they won't let you pass.  Like Saturday while going to the Tusk & Cup to get some coffee, I swirled around someone who had stopped to make a left and this dumb ass behind me swirled around me as I was going around the driver in front of me almost hitting me.  I tell ya, people have no patience at all.

That night we were thinking of what to eat for dinner so since we hadn't had Chinese food for a long while, that's what we had ordered.
 
Sunday we went with my sister and niece to the Danbury Mall.  Craig and I never shopped we just sat outside in the chairs in the hall waiting area.  On the way back, my niece Gemma and I played the guessing game where you think of a person place or thing and you have to ask questions to get the answer.  It was fun.

That night we went to my mother's place and had some meatloaf, veggies and mashed potatoes. Dessert we had some pound cake and ice cream.  After a while my mother was sorting out the boxes, since she is about to move at the end of the May.  She had given us some Broken Arrow pottery which she had while living in Arizona in the early 2000s.  She also given us all her Christmas decorations.  I'm starting to worry about her as she hasn't been in the spirit of things.  She's not looking forward to moving and is stressed out because she cannot find a place, not that she is looking, my sister has been doing all the looking and its stressing out my sister as well.  My mother is very picky.  My mother is also worrying about my brother I guess thinking he is back on the drugs again.  We all thought he was doing well until he fucked everything up this past Christmas.

Overall, enjoyed the time with the family, niece and nephews.

Moving Decisions again

Craig and I were talking about moving  and we aren't sure where we will be ending up.  It would be nice to be close to the family in Connecticut but Craig mentioned to me that he didn't want to move to

Connecticut but would move there anyway.  What is turning both of us off is that we don't like to hear negativity coming from my mother.  That's what she has been doing.  I mean, he doesn't like to hear negative comments that would be offensive to him coming from her.  She did state that we were a couple of Muslims or Isis with the long beards and he got offended about that, but kept his mouth shut as he didn't want to open a pack of worms so to speak.  To be honest, its something I don't want to hear either and hear her become negative all the time.  So that is the down side of it.

Craig did think about wanting to move to Canada but the only problem would be with that is that we would have to go back into the US for treatments and stuff like that.  I'm not sure with doctors.  But we would have to be there for a few years I think until we get treatment in Canada.

What he wants to do is that he wants to get a house right here in Vermont, something that he always wanted was to get a house.

So we don't know what we are going to do.  We may not be able to move until Spring time next year.  What I dread is that we would have to pick up our things again for another move.  We would have to really think this through.

The Will

Something that I didn't want or refuse to talk about and that was writing a Will.  Last night when we were in bed, Craig mentioned about us both should write a Will.  Of course, I stayed quiet watching the television as my head started wandering at the same time.  I was getting upset with the topic. Something I never thought about doing and felt the need to is to write one.  I think he was saying this because of a couple of days ago when he split his head. 

I personally don’t like talking about death and don’t take it very well so I tend to get very depressed and very sad.  So today I was thinking about the Will and everything that has happened to Craig the past several years and now his fall just days ago was making myself upset.  I don’t like to feel the need that I have to write a Will but I know deep down we both probably need to write one. 

When I think about writing a Will, I think about death coming the way.  I had thought about Craig and maybe he should be better without me, because I don’t want to see him hurt himself again as I tendencies on panicking.  I mean that fall a few days ago I thought here we go again with his fall.  But when I helped him up there was a puddle of blood.  That's when I freaked out.  Immediately I thought he was going to die. 

I don't even know if I am making any sense with this entry.  Maybe we should think about a Will.  Probably would be a smart thing to do.  I just hate the feeling of writing one thinking death is coming.

Head Split

Well, I was awaken with a big thump and a yell "OW" at 3:15am in the morning.  I sprang up because I knew Craig hurt himself.  He was laying on the floor beside the bed.  I was helping him up when I saw a pile of blood on the carpet.  I knew right there he split open his head.

I immediately put some peroxide on his head and then have him sit on the sofa to apply pressure on his head.  I then called 911 and the ambulance came within 20 minutes.

I had followed the ambulance behind them to the hospital and waited int he waiting room until my name is to be called.

He ended up having 11 staples in the back of his head and luckily there wasn't any broken bones in the xray.  I was hoping they would check out his skull in case it was injured but they didn't think it was necessary.

The reason why I am tired. Ugh

I'm one of those people who is a very light sleeper.  So lately Craig has been waking up several times a day, getting out of bed and coming back to bed.  Each time he gets out of bed or return to bed he wakes me up.  Its pretty frustrated because I need my sleep.  I end up sleeping on the sofa in the middle of the night to keep me from waking up by him.

I hadn't worked out this week as I couldn't be bothered with it.  I have been just so tired and don't feel like working out.  I do some jogging but that's about it.  I miss working out with my resistant bands but my body has not been up for working out.

Belated Easter

Forgotten to post on Easter Sunday.

Funny that I forgotten about Easter was this past weekend.  I thought it was this coming weekend.  Craig and I would had gone over to my sister's house in Connecticut to spend a few days.

We ended up not doing much.  I cleaned up the apartment and did a load of laundry.  I also did my jogging and some burpees and thats about it.

Dinner was nice. We had some Pork Sirloin, brown rice and mixed veggies which was nice. For afternoon drink we had a shot of Amore.

Ireland vs. Connecticut

So we were thinking about moving again.  I wanted to move to Northern Ireland and be close to my relatives.   I missed how things used to be when I used to live there in the 90s for 9 years.  I felt safe even though there was riots at night, but I never went out at night so it didn't bother me.  Also would give me the chance to get free medical as well.

But then we thought about Connecticut because my family are around that area.  My stepfather just turned 80 years old this week, which made me think about my mother's age as well.  Who knows how much time they have left in their life.  I thought it might be a wise idea to live closer to them.  It would give my mother the chance to come visit us as well.  She only went out to my sister's house, so if we move to Connecticut she could come see us as well.  She kept telling us she must come up to see us, but she's been saying that for years.  So at least if we move to Connecticut she would have another place to come visit.

Right now we are looking around for apartments in Connecticut so we just might be moving that way instead of Ireland.  I guess we could always visit Ireland whenever we want to when the funds are there for us.

Am I sad that I would miss out this opportunity to move to Ireland right now?  Sure I miss it.  I miss my friends and relatives as well.  But that could come later on I suppose.  I would like to settle down there some day.  But only time could tell.

A visitor

Earlier this week we had a really nice visitor coming over.  It was Craig's mother who he hasn't seen in 20 years and was my first time seeing her before.  She only was going to say for a few days.  We had to pick her up at Burlington Airport which was like and hour and fifteen minutes from home.  I enjoyed her company.  She could talk.  It was really nice to see them two reunited again as they lost touch with each other for a long time.

We went to the Rochester Cafe where Craig and I go often.  Nice food there.  We also went to Woodstock to walk around and have a bite to eat for lunch.  Its been a few months since Craig and I went into Woodstock.  Its a nice small town.   We plan on going there again.  There was a time during her stay that we wanted to take her to the Doc's Tavern which one of our friends owned and a hotel as well.  Of course the time we wanted to go there, it was closed.  We ended up going to the Rochester Cafe again for a bite to eat at the very last minute.  I think we were the last customers there.

There were times that I got nervous on driving all over the place.  But she was really enjoying the drives which is a good thing.   I didn't want to feel like I was a party pooper.  We wanted to show her a good time during her stay.  Most of the nights they stayed up late catching up on alot of things while I went to bed early.  I thought it was good to let them have alone time with each other.

She was happy and delighted to hear all the good things that I had been doing to take care of Craig.  Later on the week I was told that she liked me, which was nice to hear.

We have a box ready for her 3 blankets which I had made, one of them for her grandson and the other two was for her.  I also added a few booklets of crocheting as well as crocheting hooks and some nutcrackers because we found out she loves nutcrackers.

Our furry problem

We have 3 cats and we don’t know if we could keep them if we are going to be moving to Ireland.  I was in the kitchen cleaning up and I was thinking about one of our furry kids that I am very close to.  Her name is Bella.  I looked around and I noticed she was not in the living room.  I knew she was on the bed sleeping but I almost called out her name, thinking what it would be like that she was already given away.

I was in bed and was talking to Craig about it, and he was mentioning the same thing about them.  He knew that I was in a thinking process and working in my head to look forward the saddest moment on giving their last meal before handing them over to some stranger who will take care of them for the rest of their days.  This is heartbreaking to even think about it.  

Craig was thinking about the same thing with the cats too and played Gloria Estefan's "Don't want to loose you now".  I know he was depressed.  I could tell from the music he picked out from the television Amazon Music and he didn't turn his back but petting Buster our other cat.  So I think he was thinking about the same thing.

Update / Ireland

We are in the middle of a decision making or trying to find a way to relocating again and to Ireland, possibly Northern Ireland.  I don't know when we will be doing this but I know that I am not happy here in the United States.  I never was happy here.  I do want to return to Ireland and settle down there.  I had fun and enjoyed myself when I lived there back in the 90s for 9 years.  Craig knows I am not happy here and have been depressed.  He too wants to relocate to Europe as well.

I'm in the middle of writing an email to one of the directors in the gay community which I was in contact last year and actually was on the phone with last June.  I am hoping he remembers us and our conversation.

I do hope to be out of the US for good by the Fall.  Just a little confused on what to do with the cats and its sad to give them away.

The need to return to Northern Ireland

I watch movies and shows about Ireland and its getting me depressed more.  I know I shouldn't be watching but its where my heart is and I do enjoy those kind of movies and shows.  I feel that its where I should and suppose to be.  I find myself not happy again like I once was before I moved to Northern Ireland back in 1992 which was part of the reason why I left the United States.  I could kick myself in the ass for following someone that never been when I returned year 2000.  I should had never returned to the United States.  I was going to stay in New York for 10 days then head down to Florida to see a guy which was never been.  I should had returned to Northern Ireland after my 10 days was up.

Craig knows that I want to return and I think he is worried about sacrificing some things like his housing voucher that allows us to have a reduce rate for renting an apartment.  I do think about these things too and also whether he will get the services there in Ireland.  We would be giving up a lot of things like our furniture, the car, and possibly the cats too.

This discussion will continue with him and me.  He does want to move to Europe, so we'll see what we could figure out.

Not to Marry

We have to go to all our appointments at Dartmouth-Hitchcock medical center in Lebanon New Hampshire and its a big hassle for us to drive an hour there and hour back for appointments.  The reason why we have to go back and forth, is that we heard that Dartmouth-Hitchcock is the best services there, so we decided to go there rather than Rutland.  Problem is that our insurances doesn't cover things like physical therapy, counseling, etc around our area because we are classed as a couple.    The government will also decrease our food stamps even more for being a married couple.  How do they expect two people who are on disability to live off very low food stamps?  I could never understand this.  it just doesn't make any sense.

Because of this we had made a decision and that decision was not to get married and just become roommates.  We will keep the wedding bands as a symbol as if we were married.  We go back to being roommates and not get married we could get coverage that we need in our area as single person for counseling, physical therapy, etc.  Our food stamps will also go up.  I am hoping that our rent goes down too.

Wedding Rings

Well, we picked out the wedding rings we wanted, which was sort of like a dragon celtic ring.  I like the ring but sadly that it was the wrong size for me, so I had to order a size bigger.

We are suppose to get married between March 5-9th.  That's when Craig's mother comes to town as she wants to see us get married.  I had asked a friend of mine, Scott, if he could ask his friend if she could marry us at the hotel he owns.  Scott was married there as well.  He was telling me that it would cost us nothing to get married there.  I thought that was nice of him to do that.  So I am waiting for his reply about his friend to marry us.

Good Ole Times

Friday night Craig and I skyped one of my friends Lorraine and her family.  We were having a few drinks and having a good laugh.  Always enjoyed Lorraine's company, knew how to get the best of me because we were talking about All Saints (band)  Never Ever and how I used to mock them.  It started back up again and the fun times we used to have with this song.  I figured I would show Craig how crazy I could get when I am around with Lorraine.  I went to youtube and put that song on and grabbed my microphone and started to do the moves of how they danced lip syncing them.
After ending our skype call, made me think about Ireland more and how I still want to continue researching on getting back there once again to settle down.  No, there wasn't any tears, but thinking about 15 years gone by since i return to the states and missed out on so much there.

Happy New Year

Well its the new years 2016.  Hope that everyone enjoyed themselves whatever they had done. We didn't do anything but just stayed home and watched a lot of The Twilight Zone episodes.  It was a quiet evening.

This is another year of new resolutions and goals.  I do have a goal for myself which is to get back into working out again even with this lower back pain.  I also want to continue my researching on wanting to relocate to Northern Ireland.  Craig knows that I want to return for good and hadn't given up on wanting to go back.  So this research continues.